| leaving. |
[ 10 Jan 2007
6:06pm ] |
I'm closing this whole "other" journal thing.
You see, I have two journals and this was my journal that I posted the more personal stuff, but I don't think I really need it anymore because i have my priorities straightened out and don't necessarily need to acquire a journal strictly for being insane and wanting to lose weight
I really want all of you to add me on my other journal as I would love to keep in contact with most of you and always catch up on how you are doing.
Bye!
Please add me on ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pas_____amusant
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| A "You don't need this" entry for a "You don't need this" moment |
[ 20 Nov 2006
6:58pm ] |
No one should ever feel that lonely, you know. I mean I was doing some thinking. I feel alone a lot but it really isn't in a way that is depressing or attention deprived or a facade of pretending no one is ever there for me. It really isn't like that at all. It is more or less a nostalgic approach to the things I can and can't have.
Maybe.
Maybe, that's what it is.
I guess, though, the people that do feel lonely when they are alone are just boring people, because that can't entertain themselves. I think, though, I feel more alone with a group of pals than i do sitting here. I mean I'm really not bored. I am just alone is all.
I'm so tired.
I'm so, so, so, so, tired. I mean more mentally than physically.
That leads out to a whole different explanation for everything.
Ohhhhh, also...We drove to San Diego at 10pm to sit on the beach and watch the sunset then drove back and got home by 10am.
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| 13 Somethings just are left that way |
[ 17 Sep 2006
8:28pm ] |
People get tired of me, you know. I mean slowly they do. Atleast, that's what I have picked up from a lot of past relationships. I go first, they never go before me. They have never gone out of my life because I decided it was time for a good end and closure, they just walk out because they are done and tired of me. They get tired of me quickly. Sometimes, a few moments of days after first really having good conversations with me. Someone knows why, I don't.
I mean that's really all there is to it.
You'll get tired of me.
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| 12 So far, Not Brill |
[ 03 Sep 2006
6:46pm ] |
You know, I start to eat but there will always be that little bit that wants to loose the weight again.
Come on now. I hate it when I stop talking to people whose company I enjoyed. Why do people do that anyways, but I guess everyone does it. I only do it when I stop liking the person. I like to think they still like me but decided to rearrange the scale of closeness our relationship had. Or maybe they just all get tired of me.
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| 11 I hope it's on your mind too |
[ 26 Aug 2006
12:40am ] |
I'm sick of this bullshit. I really don't appreciate the fact that my mother really has been on my back about all this weight business lately.
I really don't want to have this problem anymore. It's completely taking over the time of my life that should be lived a different way then it is now. I want to eat and not even care about it. I DONT WANT TO BE SELF CONSCIOUS. I WANT TO HAVE LOADS AND LOADS OF SELF ESTEEM AND I WANT TO HAVE AN EGO.
I hate every single broad that puts a low self esteem on themselves because they love to feel sorry for their own bodies and brains. IT JUST SHOULDN'T WORK OUT THAT WAY, because if you can have a side of you that does feel satisfied with who you are then why the hell would you not use it?
And I know all this junk sounds so predictable, but you can either take it with you or leave it at the table.
Slamming doors Slamming doors Slamming doors Slamming doors Slamming doors.
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| 10. Go Back |
[ 09 Aug 2006
8:40pm ] |
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I'm slowly avoiding people that I don't want to associate with anymore.
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| 9. Now |
[ 03 Aug 2006
6:56pm ] |
I think I have a lot to let out but I can't. I can't because I think it'd just be redundant. There isn't enough vocabulary in my brain to go around.
My brother goes back on the 22nd to Marquette.
Sometimes I really do wish someone did read this. I really mean it too. I know most of you just skim over it and official deem me as a mad man.
But I'm not a mad man. In the mind of mr. dali, a mad man has no idea he's insane. I know i'm insane.
Well what else? I just want to leave this window open because I know I am forgetting something.
I dont know, Go away already?
Everybody should just go away.
go away
go away
g
o
away
Or I could just go away.
But i don't have lots of will power.
WHY CAN'T IT BE A MUTUAL THING?!
I GO AWAY
THAT ONE GOES AWAY.
I feel so dumb all the time now.
lonely and dumb and lonely and dumb and redundant and lonely and dumb and lonely and dumb and redundant and lonely and dumb and ciao.
Also, I have a I dont even have a word for it. I have some sort of something with a guy. It's nothing permanent or long. He's probably just lonely and dumb too.
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| 8. UGHSFJSKFJJSDFSDFSDF |
[ 24 Jul 2006
10:13pm ] |
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Does anyone else get really anxious and frustrated and overwhelmed and stressed out when other people talk about how much stuff they have instore for them and how much they are going to be doing in the next couple months and how their lives are just moving along nicely? I do, and I feel like my life is moving along terribly. Life is toooo much toooo fast toooo slow tooooooooooooooooooooo not worth it.
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| 7. Mad World |
[ 24 Jul 2006
3:56pm ] |
Today I tried to do something different and just ended up with saying the same thing. You know, instead of making lists like i usually do i decided to seperate the people i know into different categories. I ended up with only 2 categories and one was "shit" and the other one was "not-shit". To say the least there was only one person under the "not-shit" category (it's worth mentioning that it wasn't my own self).
I havn't even had anything to eat today and it hasn't bothered me a bit. I'm not even hungry yet, and I don't know why.
I think it is so awkward how people say cheesy lines inorder to encourage you. I usually end up just thinking too hard about these cheesy lines and they end up becomming negative. The school sent out these postcards that, i guess, they figured would help us actually want to do something with our lives? I don't see how postcards and credible pictures of students I know don't do much with their time will encourage our future. Maybe they thought slapping that cheesy quote on it would change the whole jist of the postcard and persuade me to hang it up on my wall and look at it everyday in hopes of "shaping my future". That's what it said. It said "Only you can shape your future". I don't know about you but that is a bunch of bullshit. Reality and the mad world shapes your future and that's that. Nothing else to it.
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| 6. Did I Ever Tell You That I Make Lists of Lots of Things? |
[ 18 Jul 2006
8:17pm ] |
15 things you probably didn't know about me
1. I generally don't speak my mind because no one listens, and when I do I just sound annoying.
2. I get really upset when people call me mean, rude, or dumb.
3. I get irritated with large groups of people.
4. I really hate to say this cliche statement but I honestly and truly believe love is suuuucchhh a façade, and I will never find it not because of my stand-offish attitude, but because it just simply isn't ROMANTICALLY real or possible.
5. I'm afraid of the future more than anything in the whole wide world when i think about it i get nauseous and start to worry IMMENSELY.
6. I get attached easily, just like everyother girl on the plannet. The problem is, I wear my heart on my sleeve and usually the person I'm attached to has no idea....and I don't ever tell them.
7. When someone makes me cry I make sure they don't find out that they made me cry and how awful it was.
8. I always think everything means something. The other day I was grabbing a patato chip and it had a hole in the shape of a heart right in the middle of it. I really do think it means something..so I'm keeping it.
9. I have this whole box of shit that is sentimental to me. Being the ridiculous person i am....i have Nick's root beer can in there from the shitty year of 8th grade.
10. For the first time in my life I actually like my friends more than they like me.
11. I really wanted to be an artist since I was 4, but realized I suck so now I don't attempt any sad piece of shit i can fart out
12. I think that competion ruins everything and I wish it would just go away, because I suck at competition and "competition's what life is"...so says my History teacher.
13. In arguments, I wont stop arguing..even if the argue-ee says that I am right and to drop it I will shut my mouth for about 1 minute and then get really worked up in my brain and start shouting other vulgarities and things of the like to get my point across. It's not that I want to be right, it's just that I just like a satisfying and REAL end to arguments.
14. When my history teacher told me that the colleges standards are getting higher everywhere I wanted to starve, kill, and puke myself from my anxiety and decided thaaaaaat.....
15.....that i just want to work at Starbucks for the rest of my life.
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